Imperfect, Unwavering Devotion

My votive figurine to represent myself in constant worship of Inanna at my altar.

I’ve been meaning to share this as a video for months now, but I just haven’t had the energy or time to make it. But that’s actually okay! This blog post is about giving yourself a bit of grace, while still maintaining your connection to your spirituality and your relationship with the divine during difficult and low-energy times in your life.

If you know me in real life or from online communities, you know that I had breast cancer back in 2022. I did lumpectomy, chemo, and radiation at the time. I have a BRCA1 mutation, but I still couldn’t bring myself to go with the double mastectomy even after I got diagnosed with cancer after a screening mammogram. Fast forward to the beginning of this year, I was diagnosed with a precancerous condition called atypical ductal hyperplasia on the other breast and was given the option of another lumpectomy along with hormone blockers (this ADH thing was apparently an “estrogen-positive process” even though my actual cancer was triple negative), or a double mastectomy.

I made the very hard decision to go with the double mastectomy. I’ve heard bad things about the side effects of hormone blockers. It was important to me to maintain sexual function (which is something that isn’t given enough consideration for breast cancer patients in the medical community, in my opinion. But that’s a whole other topic to address).

I had the surgery in March and my recovery has been a much slower process than I was hoping for, with a few complications along the way, some of which I’m still trying to work through. During the first few weeks of recovery I didn’t have anywhere near the energy to devote to my spiritual practice as I would have liked, considering I could barely get out of bed. Which was completely understandable, given the circumstances, but I still felt a bit bad about neglecting my practice. But there was no reason for me to feel guilty for this. The gods understand.

In Mesopotamian polytheism, it is common to keep a votive figurine representing oneself in continuous worship of the deity. These figurines are used as a stand-in for when the worshiper is unable to physically worship at the shrine/temple. This figurine represents a continuous link between the devotee and their god.

My votive figurine, in perpetual adoration of Inanna.

I made mine while working through my Rod and Ring initiation. I made it from Sculpey clay and loosely styled it based on ancient votive figurines that have been found at various Mesopotamian archaeological sites. I’m not an expert sculptor by any means, but neither were the creators of a lot of ancient artifact either. Prior to creating a personalized figurine, I used a statue of a cat in a yoga pose that had an 8-point star on it’s stomach. I think I got it from World Market. The intention and ritual is more important than the exact form the statue takes, though I always encourage creating your own ritual tools and cultic images if at all possible, even if you don’t consider yourself particularly artistic or crafty.

The most important part of this practice, to me, is that it is a tangible reminder of my continuous connection to Inanna. Even when I am unable to physically sit at my altar, that connection is still always there and that connection cannot be broken by illness, injury, other mundane responsibilities such as work or family, or anything else.

In addition to the representation of myself in a perpetual state of worship in my ritual space, I also think of my tattoos for Inanna as being a kind permanent shrine to Her that I carry on my body. Before I got the tattoos, I wore a necklace featuring Her 8-point star every day for the same purpose (I still usually wear the necklace too. The tattoos ensure that I always have Her symbol with me, even when stripped of absolutely everything else, such as during surgery. Surgery follows the same rules as the underworld with regard to carrying personal items with you, but I found a loophole!). There isn’t any historical precedent for this particular practice, as far as I’m aware of, but all religious practices were made up by s0meone at some point in history. And it does seem to be very common for people of all different paths and faiths to wear a symbol of their spirituality, though I’m guessing the specific reasons behind it may vary between individuals and religions.

My tattoo of Inanna's 8-point star

My tattoo of Inanna's name in cuneiform

These tattoos are very important to me. I look at them throughout the day. They are a constant reminder of Inanna and my devotion to Her. They keep me accountable to Her and remind me to always strive to embody Her values as I move within the world.

The permanent representation of myself at Her altar and of Her on my body creates a loop of symbolic and magickal connection between myself and the divine that can never be broken, no matter how broken my physical body may feel.

I just wanted to share these practices and my personal experiences with them. I’d like to encourage others to adapt these practices to fit within your own personal spiritual framework if they seem like something that would benefit your own spiritual journey and connection to the divine. I’m not sure if any other cultures or traditions have anything similar to the votive figurines in Mesopotamian polytheism, but I think it’s a valuable practice that could be incorporated into other traditions as well if done respectfully and with intention. That is to say, it’s not a replacement for active devotional practices, but rather, a means of strengthening your connection to the divine.

You are human. Your spiritual practice doesn’t have to be perfect all the time to have value. The gods understand. No god worth your devotion is going to abandon you or punish you for fluctuating energy levels or for prioritizing your normal human health needs.

in love and power,

- Nya